Fifteen years later..........

and the pain is still there. The pain of a broken heart. The pain I wish I never would have experienced. The pain that was so easily seen on all of our faces. The pain that only somebody who has walked in our shoes would understand. Fifteen years ago today we learned our sixth child, third daughter, had strangled on her cord and died in utero. I wished God would have taken me and spared her life. I blamed myself. I wanted to die. I went into a depression. I begged for my husband to just let me go. My husband refused to give up on me and our family. Fifteen years later and not a day goes by that I don't think of my daughter and what could have been. The pain has never gone away, but my precious daughter continues to send me signs that she is okay and that makes the pain more tolerable. Somebody sent this poem to me 15 years ago and it is very true. To my husband-Thank you for continuing to fight for us when you were grieving so bad yourself. Our children are lucky to have you as their dad and I am honored to be your wife.


I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author Unknown